Doocci » Dog

No Pets at Work

Carl — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 21:05:00 +0000

Me: Can I bring my dog to work?

Boss: Are you blind?

Me: No.

Boss: Then, absolutely not. No pets are allowed at work.

Sexy Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz

Carl — Wed, 06 Jul 2011 01:32:59 +0000

It’s always funnier at a dog’s expense.

via Fierce Costumes | Pets Wizard of Oz Dorothy Dog Costume .

Turkey Recipe

Carl — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 04:37:43 +0000

Things we do to amuse ourselves.

Dog Insurance?

Carl — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 04:55:05 +0000

Callie, the dog, went out through the gate because we forgot the close it after the guy was done cleaning the roof. I was taking a shower then when she decided to take a road trip. When I was done, I came downstairs to feed her. She didn’t answer. Normally, she would be running to me in 1/2 a second because there was food involved. So I yelled and yelled and still there was no answer. Then I walked out to the backyard and saw that the gate was open. My jaw dropped, hit the ground, bounced back up and smacked me in the face. How could this have happened? She could be anywhere by now. So I had to run upstairs and get properly dressed. What should I wear? What is the proper attire to put on to look for a lost dog? An Abercrombie XS t-shirt will do I guess.

I rushed back downstairs and heard Eileen, our most adorable neighbor, screaming on the street. I got out of the house and saw her patting the dog on the porch. ”OMG!!! You are home. Callie was out on the street. She went to your next door neighbor’s house. They were playing with her. I thought they got a new dog, but then I thought the dog looked familiar. Then it dawned on me it was Callie. I rushed over there, picked her up, and came back here. I was just calling Jeff for help,” she exclaimed.

Later that night, we found out that she hurt her back by picking Callie up and was in bed and could not move. The fat dog hurt her! Poor Eileen. She weighs less than 1/2 of Paris Hilton. No wonder the dog broke her back.

Another Great Story about Toilets and Poop

Carl — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 06:47:22 +0000

Poop freeze? Supposedly, you spray this thing on doggie poop and then you can easily pick it up and throw it in a bag. Hmm… I use grocery bags.

This restaurant in Taipei, Taiwan, serves everything in toilets. You eat your food while sitting on a toilet. And even the ice cream looks like poop served in the traditional “squat” toilets. Eeewwwww… However, the restaurant’s website is quite cute.

What do you think?

Callie, the Dog: Come Wipe My Butt. I Am Done Pooping.

Carl — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 04:08:50 +0000

Callie, the dog: How come you kept putting that damn cat on your blog, but not me?

Me: Shush! Silly goose. You shouldn’t speak of Her Royal Highness like that. Besides, we are just unworthy peasants. I’ll try to sneak you in tonight and do a story for you on my blog.

Miss Meow Meow – Her Royal Highness: DON’T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!!!

Quality Time

Carl — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 06:37:49 +0000

Callie was barking like crazy when I was making dinner. This was even after she got her treats twice and devoured her supper in 2.423 seconds. So I opened the door to the garage and invited her to stay there. I knew she would be more than happy to oblige because she thinks that being in the garage is the same as going out for a walk. Normally, it’s true since we always take her out for a walk through the garage. Well, I totally forgot about her so she stayed in the garage for over 2 hours QUIETLY. That dog was so quiet that I enjoyed my dinner, started a load of laundry, read my emails, and watched a few funny videos on YouTube.

Aw, poor Callie!

My Dog Spews Venom

Carl — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 05:58:08 +0000

Our neighbor across the street had a baby a few months ago. One day, the wife came over to our house. Poor John opened the door…

Neighbor’s wife: Your dog always peed in my front yard. Can you stop that? Your dog’s pee is contaminating my child.

John: ………………………

Bad dog, Callie!!! Bad dog!!!

HeRRo, Kim Jon Il, Can You Come to My House and Cook My Dog?

Carl — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 07:06:52 +0000

Woof, woof, woof! Woof, woof, woof!

I opened my eyes and looked at the clock. It was 5 in the morning. What was wrong with that damn dog? I buried my head underneath the pillow.

Bark, bark, bark! Bark, bark, bark!

“Oh, for heaven’s sake, can someone please shut the dog up?” I pulled the blanket up and covered my head. No use. The dog just kept barking. OK. I thought I’d let her bark 10 more times. Maybe she would stop out of sheer total exhaustion.

One, two, three… Four… Fi, six, se, eight, nine, ten, elev…. Never mind. I got out of the bed. Totally pissed. I was going to give her a piece of my mind. “Just wait till I get downstairs. YOU ARE SO DEAD. DEAD! DEAD! DEAD,” I hissed.

I put on my shirt and pants and walked towards the bedroom door. I was about to open the door. Someone was shushing the crazy dog. I stood there for a few seconds. Dead silence.

Why? Was this a joke? Did the dog have x-ray vision to see me get out of the bed and decide to stop? How annoying this was! Now, I was fully dressed. I was ready to attack and teach the dog who was the boss around here, and then she conveniently decided to stop. As irritated as I was, the bigger question was how I could get back to sleep again.

Just when I was about to fall asleep, the garage door opened. The door was making squeaky noises. The car engine was running. My eyes were wide open again.

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH…

I Need to Ask You the Same Question Thrice. Just to Make Sure, You Know.

Carl — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 06:20:05 +0000

I scheduled an appointment for Callie with the Petsmart Grooming this morning because she was in desperate need of a bath. Fortunately, they were able to squeeze her in at eleven o’clock. We arrived early because I wanted to make sure that Callie had time to walk around the parking lot and do all her business before she walked in and received her torture. She was taking a good old time as everything was new to her. There was so much for her to sniff around and she made sure she peed so many times to mark her new found land as her territory, although the last few attempts were merely one or two pathetic drips at a time. Finally, she was totally satisfied with her work and we walked inside the grooming center. An I-was-never-a-morning-person-and-will-never-be ”stylist” greeted us.

Her: Hi, how can I help you?

Me: Hi, how are ya? Callie needs a bath. She has an eleven o’clock.

Her: With a C or a K?

Rolling my eyes heavenward. Does it matter? How many doggies named Callie can you possibly have at eleven o’clock? I continued to smile.

Me: C.

Her: Let me see if I can find it.

Tick-Tuck. Tick-Tuck. Tick-Tuck. Like a virgin. Touched for the very first time. Like a vir er er er gin… when your heart beats…

Her: Got it. Let me get Helga.

Tick-Tuck. Tick-Tuck. Tick-Tuck. Like a virgin, ooh, ooh… Like a virgin… Feels so good inside…

Helga: Hi, what’s the dog’s name?

AAAAAAHHHHHHH… AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH… All good. It’s just silent screaming in my head.

Me: Callie. With a C.

Helga: Was her rabies shot up to date?

Me: Yes. She got it last month. Here’s the paperwork.

Helga seemed to have trouble finding the word “Rabies” on the paper I provided. So, I waited. Callie barked thrice. She was getting impatient and I was feeling claustrophobic. The check-in place was very tiny. How tiny might you ask? Let’s just say two Oprah can fill up that space. OK?

Helga: Ooo-Kaaaeee… So, would you like the top dog package same as last time?

Me: Sure.

Helga: Do you treat fleas every month?

Me: No. She never had problems with fleas.

Helga: Was her rabies shot up to date?

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH… AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH… I AM IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE!!! LIKE A VIRGIN… TOUCHED FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME. LIKE A VIR ER ER ER GIN…

Helga: Was her rabies shot up to date?

Me: Yes. It’s here on the paper.

I pointed directly at the word, RABIES, for her to see.

Helga: Ooo-kaaaeee… I need you to sign here and date it.

I never signed my life away so fast.

Helga: Callie, let’s go on back. Gooooood girrrrrrl.

Me: Thank you.

Jingle HELL, jingle HELL, jingle all the waaeeeeee…