Doocci » Cat http://doocci.com Me: He's so anal about money that his a$$hole can produce diamond. The production is imminent. Fri, 03 Feb 2012 01:48:18 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 I Am a Lady. I Am a Lady. Let Me out!!! http://doocci.com/2011/11/28/i-am-a-lady-i-am-a-lady-let-me-out/ http://doocci.com/2011/11/28/i-am-a-lady-i-am-a-lady-let-me-out/#comments Tue, 29 Nov 2011 03:48:08 +0000 Carl http://doocci.com/?p=2931 How am I going to explain to my parents that I showered with a man?  My reputation’s been ruined.

 

I am a lady. I am a lady. let me out!!!

 

]]> http://doocci.com/2011/11/28/i-am-a-lady-i-am-a-lady-let-me-out/feed/ 0 My Shrink Charges $200 an Hour http://doocci.com/2011/07/19/my-shrink-charges-200-an-hour/ http://doocci.com/2011/07/19/my-shrink-charges-200-an-hour/#comments Wed, 20 Jul 2011 05:38:58 +0000 Carl http://doocci.com/?p=2125 I am expensive.  $200 an hour.  Talk to me.

 

 

my shrink charges $200 an hour

 

]]> http://doocci.com/2011/07/19/my-shrink-charges-200-an-hour/feed/ 0 Project Runway Special – Miss Meow Meow’s Lion Outfit http://doocci.com/2010/02/01/project-runway-special-miss-meow-meows-lion-outfit/ http://doocci.com/2010/02/01/project-runway-special-miss-meow-meows-lion-outfit/#comments Tue, 02 Feb 2010 04:49:36 +0000 Carl http://doocci.com/2010/02/01/project-runway-special-miss-meow-meows-lion-outfit/ Me:  As a designer, I really like to play with animal furs.  I want something stunning for my cat and it truly represents who I am as a designer.

Heidi:  Where are her boobs?  She looks like my 89-year-old grandma from Berlin.  Try my newest Victoria’s Secret push-up bra and instantly adds two-cup sizes on her.  Goodbye, flat beaches!  Hello, Bombshell!!!

Michael Kors:  WTF is this?  Did you just put a wig on a rat?

Nina Garcia:  Can you turn her around so I can see what she looks like from behind?  Oh, Buddha & Jesus’ mother.  That ass is just hideous.  I have never seen any ass uglier than this.

Heidi:  Carl!  We really wondered about your taste level.  In fact, we don’t think you have any taste.  You are OUT!  Auf wiedersehen!

The cat has been shaved. She got a lion hair cut.

]]> http://doocci.com/2010/02/01/project-runway-special-miss-meow-meows-lion-outfit/feed/ 0 Miss Meow Meow Has a New Cleaning Crew http://doocci.com/2009/12/20/miss-meow-meow-has-a-new-cleaning-crew/ http://doocci.com/2009/12/20/miss-meow-meow-has-a-new-cleaning-crew/#comments Mon, 21 Dec 2009 06:45:28 +0000 Carl http://doocci.com/2009/12/20/miss-meow-meow-has-a-new-cleaning-crew/ Miss Meow Meow pooped on the carpet again, a foot away from the litter box.  That’s not something I wanted to see first thing in the morning after I woke up.  Walking past the disaster area, I was still half awake, but the smell immediately woke me up.  I almost fainted and rolled down the stairs.  Callie, the dog, was barking because she wanted her breakfast.  The damned cat was nowhere to be seen.  Normally, she would be meowing along while the dog was barking – both demanded to be fed first.  I fed the dog first and then started to look for her.  She was hiding underneath the couch and looking guilty.  Of course.  A lady just doesn’t poop anywhere she wants.  Otherwise, it will be like Mr. Doggy and Phyllis Church in this video…

I walked back upstairs and held my breath while passing the unsightly scene.  I told myself to get some toilet paper from the bathroom to clean it up.  You know once you get to a certain old age, you forget things in a second.  I did get to the bathroom alright, but by then I forgot about getting the toilet paper and all.  I turned on the water and got ready for a nice hot shower.  As I was washing my non-existing hair, I remembered the whole cleaning up thing.   Being worried about forgetting it again, I began to whisper to myself non stop like some crackhead.

After I was satisfied with the cleanness of my body, I got dressed and brought lots of toilet paper with me to clean up kitty’s poop.  It was gone.  Nothing was there as if it never happened.  Callie was pretending to nap not too far away from the crime scene.  She ate it.  The silly goose ate it all.  Good doggie.  Goooooood doggie!

]]> http://doocci.com/2009/12/20/miss-meow-meow-has-a-new-cleaning-crew/feed/ 0 Callie, the Dog: Come Wipe My Butt. I Am Done Pooping. http://doocci.com/2009/04/08/callie-the-dog-come-wipe-my-butt-i-am-done-pooping/ http://doocci.com/2009/04/08/callie-the-dog-come-wipe-my-butt-i-am-done-pooping/#comments Thu, 09 Apr 2009 04:08:50 +0000 Carl http://doocci.com/2009/04/08/callie-the-dog-come-wipe-my-butt-i-am-done-pooping/ Callie, the dog:  How come you kept putting that damn cat on your blog, but not me?

Callie, the pembroke welsh corgi

Me:  Shush!  Silly goose.  You shouldn’t speak of Her Royal Highness like that.  Besides, we are just unworthy peasants.  I’ll try to sneak you in tonight and do a story for you on my blog.

Miss Meow Meow – Her Royal Highness:  DON’T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!!!

My cat, Miss Meow Meow, Her Royal Highness

]]> http://doocci.com/2009/04/08/callie-the-dog-come-wipe-my-butt-i-am-done-pooping/feed/ 3 Empty Beer Bottle Found in Miss Meow Meow’s Litter Box http://doocci.com/2009/04/05/empty-beer-bottle-found-in-miss-meow-meows-litter-box/ http://doocci.com/2009/04/05/empty-beer-bottle-found-in-miss-meow-meows-litter-box/#comments Mon, 06 Apr 2009 04:03:57 +0000 Carl http://doocci.com/2009/04/05/empty-beer-bottle-found-in-miss-meow-meows-litter-box/ Miss Meow Meow’s gentleman friend:  “I really don’t like to be disturbed when I am watching Real Housewives from New York.  Well, if you can excuse me, don’t look!  I am going to scratch you-know-where.  Oh, by the way, Carl, I have a message for you from my darling, Her Royal Highness…”

Dear Carl Unworthy Peasant,

I rarely have my gentleman friends over.  It is embarrassing when you don’t have Bud Light fully stocked.  How can I entertain my guest(s) properly when beer runs out in the middle of the soiree?  This is socially unacceptable and disgraceful.  See to it.  There won’t be a next time, or I won’t let you pat me and look at my butt.

Her Royal Highness,

Bud Light kitty

Image found on carloneworld.it

]]> http://doocci.com/2009/04/05/empty-beer-bottle-found-in-miss-meow-meows-litter-box/feed/ 4 Miss Meow Meow Wants to Become America’s Next Top Model http://doocci.com/2009/04/02/miss-meow-meow-wants-to-become-americas-next-top-model/ http://doocci.com/2009/04/02/miss-meow-meow-wants-to-become-americas-next-top-model/#comments Fri, 03 Apr 2009 04:36:21 +0000 Carl http://doocci.com/2009/04/02/miss-meow-meow-wants-to-become-americas-next-top-model/ Dear Carl Peasants,

Did you know I almost died today?  “Why?” you asked.  I was using my royal bathroom and I had to hold my breath for 5 minutes.  That’s why.  First, what did you put in my food to cause my pooping difficulty?  Second, clean the royal bathroom.  I almost died in there because I couldn’t even breathe.

I am drop dead gorgeous

Being this beautiful is no easy task.  Did you have any idea how long it took every single day to LICK MYSELF TO PERFECTION?!?!  And you dare to complain when I allow you to pat me and show you my butt.  I don’t see you complain when you look at other people’s asses.  How rude!  I make you happy every day by being so drop dead gorgeous.   It’s your honor to serve me.  Remember that!!!

Her Royal Highness,

]]> http://doocci.com/2009/04/02/miss-meow-meow-wants-to-become-americas-next-top-model/feed/ 5 Your Satisfaction Guaranteed Because We Care http://doocci.com/2009/03/10/your-satisfaction-guaranteed-because-we-care/ http://doocci.com/2009/03/10/your-satisfaction-guaranteed-because-we-care/#comments Wed, 11 Mar 2009 04:15:56 +0000 Carl http://doocci.com/2009/03/10/your-satisfaction-guaranteed-because-we-care/ It’s easy to change my address with the JC Penny customer care too.

I was depressed so I called Lifeline.

Image originally appeared on shof.msrcsites.co.uk

]]> http://doocci.com/2009/03/10/your-satisfaction-guaranteed-because-we-care/feed/ 1 Is This Why We Call It a Pussy Cat? http://doocci.com/2009/03/03/is-this-why-we-call-it-a-pussy-cat/ http://doocci.com/2009/03/03/is-this-why-we-call-it-a-pussy-cat/#comments Wed, 04 Mar 2009 04:25:19 +0000 Carl http://doocci.com/2009/03/03/is-this-why-we-call-it-a-pussy-cat/ Is this why we call it “pussy?”

Originally appeared on my.mmoabc.com

]]> http://doocci.com/2009/03/03/is-this-why-we-call-it-a-pussy-cat/feed/ 0 Hello Kitty Is Night of the Living Dead http://doocci.com/2009/02/10/hello-kitty-is-night-of-the-living-dead/ http://doocci.com/2009/02/10/hello-kitty-is-night-of-the-living-dead/#comments Wed, 11 Feb 2009 04:58:22 +0000 Carl http://doocci.com/2009/02/10/hello-kitty-is-night-of-the-living-dead/ Hmm… Let me get this straight.  Hello Kitty is a zombie.  She wants to eat brains, right?  But she does not have a mouth.   Am I being too critical here?

Hello Kitty is night of the living dead and she wants brains.

Originally appeared on animoscrypt.wordpress.com

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