How am I going to explain to my parents that I showered with a man?  My reputation’s been ruined.    

I am expensive.  $200 an hour.  Talk to me.      

Me:  As a designer, I really like to play with animal furs.  I want something stunning for my cat and it truly represents who I am as a designer. Heidi:  Where are her boobs?  She looks like my 89-year-old grandma from Berlin.  Try my newest Victoria’s Secret push-up bra and instantly adds two-cup sizes on [...]

Miss Meow Meow pooped on the carpet again, a foot away from the litter box.  That’s not something I wanted to see first thing in the morning after I woke up.  Walking past the disaster area, I was still half awake, but the smell immediately woke me up.  I almost fainted and rolled down the [...]

Callie, the dog:  How come you kept putting that damn cat on your blog, but not me? Me:  Shush!  Silly goose.  You shouldn’t speak of Her Royal Highness like that.  Besides, we are just unworthy peasants.  I’ll try to sneak you in tonight and do a story for you on my blog. Miss Meow Meow [...]