Dear Joseph and Mary,

Will I get cancer if I don’t poop everyday?  Do you think I should just take laxatives every day and get it over with so I can stop worrying?  Thank you for not making me constipated.  Good night.

It all started when Mary I needed a laxative.  She I hates it, and this time she I simply refused to take it.  I Mommy tried to force it down her me and she I sputtered it all over the carpet.  So I Mommy slapped her me and said she I was a bad girl boy.  Then came the tantrum I pooped in my pants.