X:  I just had my cholesterol checked.

Me:  All good?

X:  No.  I am devastated.  248.  Apparently, I eat too much fatty food.

Me:  I had mine done in the hospital.  Just got my results back a few weeks ago.  208.  Borderline high, they said, and suggested that I changed my diet.  I hardly eat anything any more.  What’s left for me to eat?  Grass?  Thanks to my high cholesterol, I may just die suddenly.  Imagine one day, while I am shopping in Abercrombie and Fitch, I see a pair of sexy blue jeans with two large luring holes on the butt which I can’t squeeze myself in, I am so distraught and I just drop dead.  The store teenage employees kick my corpse and try to get it out of the store so that it won’t ruin the store’s ambiance and decor.  The teenage girls whisper among themselves, “OMG!!!  What happened?  Eww… Did he just diiieeee?  He must have had a bad diet.  Tsk Tsk Tsk.  OMG!!!  I just ate half an apple for lunch.  Will I diiieeee just like him?  Eww…  Tsk Tsk Tsk.  Monique, do horizontal stripes make me look fat?”