7:40 AM

Carl arrived at work. 

7:46 AM

The first chili cook off email arrived in Carl’s inbox.  He read the subject line, rolled his eyes heavenward, and hit the delete button.  Carl works remotely.  He can’t participate anyway.

8:58 AM

The second chili cook off email arrived in Carl’s inbox.

“We need two crock-pots (or something similar) to use to warm up hot dogs for tomorrow’s chili cook off.  Does anyone have a crock pot they can loan us for the day?”

DELETE.  DELETE.  DELETE.

10:46 AM

Another chili spam arrived – “So far we have two judges.  If you would like to be a judge, please let me know by 5 pm today.”

Carl began to prepare for his imminent death.

Before he did that, he started an email conversation…

Carl:  “This is getting annoying.  How many more of this do we have to get in a day?  No bowls here, reminder there.  Crap!”

Helga:  “Carl, I think you’re just angry because you’re missing out on Sven’s and Spencer’s world-famous chili and you can’t participate in eating.   However, I’m SURE that each spoonful would be at least 400 calories so it’s probably better that you’re not here.”

Carl:  “I wouldn’t trust Sven and Spencer.  They don’t wash their hands after they “bathroom.”  Ya, go right ahead.  Have a bowl of their world famous, award winning chili.  Good luck.  Indeed.  It’s not my diet.  As much as I have traveled this past few weeks, I managed to lose two more pounds.  Now, I am standing at 149.  Yipeeeeeeeee.”

Helga:  “Eww…  Come to think about it, I did feel very sick after eating Sven’s practice birthday cake for Ingmar.  But I think his wife made it.  She must not wash her hands either.”

Sven:  “I thought only employees that worked in the food industry had to wash their hands before returning to work?!??”

11:16 AM

Yet another chili spam arrived.

“Just a reminder that if you plan on entering the contest tomorrow, you need to sign up for it.  Sign up sheets have been posted…so if you plan on entering the contest, please sign up. They will be taken down at the end of today.”

11:21 AM

Carl regained consciousness after being given a mouth-to-mouth.  Actually, Carl had to wake up because the other person had bad breath.

The email conversation continued.

Carl:  “Need I say more…  One more chili living hell in less than a freaking hour…  This is worse than trying to squeeze the pimple on your butt cheek ”

Helga:  “OH my god, Carl.  That was supposed to be a secret between you and Clayton.”

Harry:  “It all makes sense now why Clayton was trying to sneak a peak at my tushy when we were in Cleveland.  Eww!  Oh, and my cheeks are bald.  Sorry, Clayton.”

Clayton: “Oh, dear god.”